o poeta é um fingidor

Cheguei do cursinho com a mesma ideia que passou o dia em minha cabeça e cá estou, ainda às voltas de escrever-te um soneto. Tudo seria mais fácil se eu fosse Pablo Neruda, mas se eu escrevesse 100 sonetos de amor, todo e cada um deles seria dedicado a ti. Como não sou, estar diante dessa tela em branco, com apenas um teclado e meus dedos para traduzir minhas emoções, tudo parece tão difícil. 

Pessoa disse que o poeta é um fingidor, mas não é fingimento meu o que te escrevo. Tudo é muito novo, eu sei. Confusão. Emaranhado de sentimentos. Ao mesmo tempo que quero que tudo dê certo, tenho medo, medo de mais uma vez me entregar demais e acabar largado em algum canto da vida, chorando minhas dores.

Acho que o que me faz querer tanto que tudo dê certo é o fato de vc ser tão especial. Não é como todo mundo. Isso me amedronta tambem, pois muitas vezes sinto que não estou nem perto de estar à tua altura, com tantos e tantos defeitos...mas meu desejo é mais forte que isso.

Disseste ontem que eu devia ter cuidado porque vocé não cai no vestibular...infelizmente, você seria uma matéria à qual eu me dedicaria a estudar com mais afinco que qualquer coisa que ja fiz na vida,  mesmo sabendo que não conseguiria entender-te um quinto. Mas não é preciso ter essa preocupação, eu aprendi a separar as coisas e apesar da vontade louca que tenho de sentir teu cheiro e tocar tua pele, minha mente se divide.

No mais, perdoe-me a falta de talento pra escrever algo digno de ti e perdoe-me as breguices eventualmente cometidas. Um dia te escrevo um soneto. Soneto para Ev, e prometo que será lindo. Talvez ainda não tenha chegado a hora certa.

nvr

Never again
to open my eyes
to see the sun
and cry

Catching up

WOW, it has been a while since I post anything here...Well, that's the way I am, I always start a blog and a couple of weeks later I completely lose interest and leave them in the internet limbo.

Since my last post I've done 2 very important exams, I fell in love, got my heart broken, found another person and it didn't work out (as usual) and now my life is over :)

xoxo

   

Feeling tired

I'm feeling tired again. That's not a good thing. I don't know, perhaps I'm starting to realize that all this effort is kinda in vain. I mean, what if I get the things I want? Then I'll be happy? I don't think so. I'm allways unsatisfied, always. There has been a few moments that I can think of when I was feeling fine with everything.

I guess when we're happy with some important part of our lifes, everything else looks smaller and we pass this little things. So, when we're unhappy with a very important part (or parts) os our lifes, we have the tendency to feel completely sad.

I'm too sensitive about stuff...basically everything has a HUGE impact on me. The smallest word that you say can have an enormous impact on me. Acts too. Of kindess or rudeness... Unfortunately, acts of rudeness have been much more presence in my life.

I'm feeling tired of literally everything. 

And yes, there's probably a lot of typos here but I'm not gonna check right now.

Two birds with one stone

I started this blog for several reasons.

It's going to improve my english, it's going to improve my writing, it's going to create a new habit on me, it's going to help me to work my feelings.

I didn't gave the address to anybody, so far. I don't think I have to. It's very personal. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind doing so and probably one day I will, but right now isn't the time.

This is the second article I'm writing today because I didn't post anything for the past 3 days and I promised myself that I would post everyday. So I'm trying to catch up on these 3 days I haven't post anything new here.

Regarding the tittle of this one, I think we don't realize (oh, my, I use that verb a lot here) that the things we do help us in many ways and levels.

Pain helps you create

A while back ago I remember I was in the middle of a crisis and I wrote on my diary "Pain helps you create", because at that time I was very creative, I was writting poems (good ones, by the way), I was drawing, I was even planing to take painting classes.

It's ironic to realize, but I talked to my friend and she agreed, when we're happy and in love, everything looks so good and perfect so we don't botter thinking. I believe she said something like: "we're to happy to be thinking on important things" HAHA. True.

Anger works quite the same. I remember when I first started gym I was angry with my body and the fact that on the gym I was seeing many guys with bodies that were so much nicer than mine, so I used that feeling...that anger to help me to push myself, and it worked. I'm using that technique right now to do something. It does help.

The right to be loved

Did you ever wonder what are the resons behind your friendships or love affairs? 

We're all looking foward for relationships. And when I say "we" I meam humans and animals, because the pattern is similar. We, as humans, are social individuals, we need to be part of something, of some kind of group. We need to feel accepted. 

For friends we want people like us, with the same interests and tastes. Obviously. But did you ever think about how much we lose doing so? If we're all equal, there isn't anything new. 

The reasons why we fall in love with somebody can be many. Some of us are looking forward to protection, some of us want to protect, and some of us just don't love at all because we're too selfish to do so.

I was trying to explaing why I fell in love with a particular someone but I couldn't. I have it all on my mind, but when it comes to write it, I feel blocked. 

Anyway, this person didn't loved me back. It was the complete opposite. I was mistreated and it hurts really bad when someone you love desert you or offend you. That was the situation I was. 

It's sad to put an end in something when you really don't want to. But it's over now. And though it still hurts, time will heal.