nvr

Never again
to open my eyes
to see the sun
and cry

Catching up

WOW, it has been a while since I post anything here...Well, that's the way I am, I always start a blog and a couple of weeks later I completely lose interest and leave them in the internet limbo.

Since my last post I've done 2 very important exams, I fell in love, got my heart broken, found another person and it didn't work out (as usual) and now my life is over :)

xoxo

   

Feeling tired

I'm feeling tired again. That's not a good thing. I don't know, perhaps I'm starting to realize that all this effort is kinda in vain. I mean, what if I get the things I want? Then I'll be happy? I don't think so. I'm allways unsatisfied, always. There has been a few moments that I can think of when I was feeling fine with everything.

I guess when we're happy with some important part of our lifes, everything else looks smaller and we pass this little things. So, when we're unhappy with a very important part (or parts) os our lifes, we have the tendency to feel completely sad.

I'm too sensitive about stuff...basically everything has a HUGE impact on me. The smallest word that you say can have an enormous impact on me. Acts too. Of kindess or rudeness... Unfortunately, acts of rudeness have been much more presence in my life.

I'm feeling tired of literally everything. 

And yes, there's probably a lot of typos here but I'm not gonna check right now.

Two birds with one stone

I started this blog for several reasons.

It's going to improve my english, it's going to improve my writing, it's going to create a new habit on me, it's going to help me to work my feelings.

I didn't gave the address to anybody, so far. I don't think I have to. It's very personal. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind doing so and probably one day I will, but right now isn't the time.

This is the second article I'm writing today because I didn't post anything for the past 3 days and I promised myself that I would post everyday. So I'm trying to catch up on these 3 days I haven't post anything new here.

Regarding the tittle of this one, I think we don't realize (oh, my, I use that verb a lot here) that the things we do help us in many ways and levels.

Pain helps you create

A while back ago I remember I was in the middle of a crisis and I wrote on my diary "Pain helps you create", because at that time I was very creative, I was writting poems (good ones, by the way), I was drawing, I was even planing to take painting classes.

It's ironic to realize, but I talked to my friend and she agreed, when we're happy and in love, everything looks so good and perfect so we don't botter thinking. I believe she said something like: "we're to happy to be thinking on important things" HAHA. True.

Anger works quite the same. I remember when I first started gym I was angry with my body and the fact that on the gym I was seeing many guys with bodies that were so much nicer than mine, so I used that feeling...that anger to help me to push myself, and it worked. I'm using that technique right now to do something. It does help.

The right to be loved

Did you ever wonder what are the resons behind your friendships or love affairs? 

We're all looking foward for relationships. And when I say "we" I meam humans and animals, because the pattern is similar. We, as humans, are social individuals, we need to be part of something, of some kind of group. We need to feel accepted. 

For friends we want people like us, with the same interests and tastes. Obviously. But did you ever think about how much we lose doing so? If we're all equal, there isn't anything new. 

The reasons why we fall in love with somebody can be many. Some of us are looking forward to protection, some of us want to protect, and some of us just don't love at all because we're too selfish to do so.

I was trying to explaing why I fell in love with a particular someone but I couldn't. I have it all on my mind, but when it comes to write it, I feel blocked. 

Anyway, this person didn't loved me back. It was the complete opposite. I was mistreated and it hurts really bad when someone you love desert you or offend you. That was the situation I was. 

It's sad to put an end in something when you really don't want to. But it's over now. And though it still hurts, time will heal.

Is it good to be smart?

My answer would be: no.

The less you know, the happier you are. That's why I always say that children are the only happy people in the world, because they're barely aware of their own existence.

Let's make an analogy, shall we? Let's say we have 2 people. One has a house with a small backyard and his only worry in the world is what happens in his own backyard. Now, the other one has a huge farm, thousands of miles long and he has to keep an eye on eveything that happens there. You see the problem? The more you know, the more worries you're gonna have.

Yes, it may sound a little wiseacre of me to say that but it's true. It may sound also bitter, but that's what I've learned so far.

The more you care about people, the more disappointed you're gonna be. Because there's a huge space between each person. Each one of us, in a way, i'ts a world, and you can't expect from anybody to correspond the image you have createc of them. That's unfair.

The higher the barriers, the higher the fall.

What have being smart ever done for me? Nothing. Not a damn thing. It actually made everything worse because I saw, very young, that I didn't fit in, that I didn't belong anywhere or with anybody. 

The best thing in the world is to be naive, inexperienced. If you are, you're most likely to be happy and to keep trying. I've lost my naivety a long time ago, since then, the world is much less magical to me.